Who do you want to be(come)?
A long time ago... in a galaxy seemingly far away... I wanted to be a player in the NFL. I dreamed of being a linebacker, who was notorious for destroying the running game and making continuous interceptions. I wanted to be the one guy who was so good, he ended up playing at least a season on EVERY NFL team! ...now I realize that playing on every team would have meant that I was so bad that I was constantly being traded. And I wasn't even the best of the best playing for the West Monroe Rebels.
That dream faded when my love for non-conformist, yet surprisingly commercial, pop music sprang up within me, and I wanted to be the singer in an English New Wave band. Only it turns out I wasn't English... nor could I really sing very well. But I totally dressed the part, though.
That gave way to who I REALLY wanted to be. My athletic side collided with my artsy side in the Land Where Sports Meets Entertainment - yes, I wanted to be a professional wrestler! Sorry, not posting a pic of me in wrestling trunks (aka a Speedo).
Along the journey, there were other things I wanted to be. And I gave each one a shot. Even "real jobs" like retail and management. For a while, it was great chasing a dream, but I would always end up with a sense of being unfulfilled. Perhaps this helped develop my iconoclastic philosophy of "experiment, and if it doesn't work out, try something else."
Then... to borrow a phrase from a mentor of mine who has a similar (yet very different in the details) story to mine... I fell into being a pastor.
I say "fell into" because it wasn't part of my plan, it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. A pastor was not who I wanted to be. In a season of soul-searching, I came face to heart with the reality that, in the midst of all I dreamed of becoming, I had never really entertained what it meant to be an actually follower of Jesus. I knew much about Jesus and God and church, but my heart's desire had never really been to be a "child of God." In an instant, everything changed. When my heart's desire became to be whoever God wanted me to be, a new desire welled up within me. It was exciting. It was the first time I had actually felt a sense of wholeness. My desire was to be a preacher. My plan instantly became to be a preacher. It was scary.
When I made the heart-decision to seek God's way instead of my own, I obediently fell into His plan. That was 23 years ago. And it is still my desire, and has become my true passion. I'm still learning, and my assumption is that I always will be.
Now, I'm not saying that when you say, "OK God, I want to be whoever you want me to be," that He will call you to be a pastor or preacher. That's not everyone's path. I'm also not saying that when you say "Yes" to God, that everyone is always perfect and shiny with puppies and rainbows. What I am saying is that when you go all-in with Jesus, there is a deep sense of fulfillment and joy that gets you through anything. And, I am still becoming.
When Jesus is the subject, everything else is subject to Jesus.
Who do you want to be(come)?