Are You Ready For Parenthood?

I promise more "real" blog entries are coming.  I just had to share this 100% right-on parenting funny from Mikey's Funnies:

ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?

A brief battery of tests for prospective parents

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now dig with your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream, as this could wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow at least two small animals (goats are best). Take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small bag into which you have cut a neck hole and eight arm holes, making sure that the head of the octopus and each arm emerges from the correct opening.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and filling it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag. Do this until 9 pm. Lay down the bag and set your alarm for 10:00 pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 am. Set alarm for 5:00 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the customer service counter and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.

Comments

Katrina said…
That is Hilarious!

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